Life And Death What's the difrence?
by Dawn-Lehane
Summary: Dawn finally gets what she had always wanted. But she isn't as happy as she thought she'd be.
1. Messy feelings

Disclaimer: Joss owns all!

Author's note: This is kinda AU-ish. Tara never died. Sunnydale didn't go poof. And, no potentials and new Slayers.

* * *

**Dawn's POV**

I look at the vampire on the ground. How can I do it? How the hell am I supposed to kill my own sister? I will damn Spike for doing this to her for ever. And as I put a stake through her hart, I feel the tears rolling down my bloody cheeks.  
She's dead. My sister is really dead. Or, dust. Why didn't she say anything as I staked her? Vamps usually do. And I think there was a hint of a smile on her face. Is she in Heaven? Oh, I really hope so. If anyone deserved to be in Heaven, it was Buffy. And it was only unfair that Willow ripped her away.

I hear myself sob as I limp back home.

This was hell of a fight. Buffy used to be a Slayer. She was strong then. But now. She was even stronger. It was hard to fight her. Even as a Slayer.

Funny thing happened. After Spike sired Buffy, I became a Slayer. Or, The Slayer.

It's kinda ironic. I've wanted to be a Slayer for all of my life. That means since I was 14.  
And right now, all I want is Buffy to be back. This time they won't be able to bring her back. And I wouldn't let them. Buffy belongs to Heaven.

But it still hurts. So very much.

I have to be strong. Buffy always told me that. But I can't. I'm sorry, Buffy. But I can't be strong. I'm not you.

I open the door. How am I going to face her friends? And tell them that I killed her. Another sob.

I can't do this. How am I going to face Willow, Xander and Tara, and tell them I killed Buffy? They're not my friends. They're her friends.

I still open the door and see them looking at me. "I..." I just manage to whisper before I run up to my room and shut the door behind myself.

As I lie down onto the bed, I just want to cry. Cry until everything is over. I hit the bed. Was this how Buffy felt when she killed Angel? No. This is worse. She had her friends. I have no one.

I hear them knocking onto the door. Well, someone is. But I can't answer. I just get up and walk to the bathroom.

* * *

I see Willow's, she was the only one up here, eyes widen. "Dawnie, what...why? What did you do to your hair?" she finally asked.

"I cut it" I just answer. My hair is shoulder length now. I never really liked my hair. Everyone just said that it's gorgeous, and I kept it.

"But...Why?" Willow asked.

I could see a look of worry in her eyes. Why is she worried? It's not like cares about me. No one does. I just have me.

I look at her for a while, then decide to change the subject. "Buffy's dead." I even said that out loud and clear. No whispers. No secrets.

"What!" Willow yells. Ugh! Ouch!

"Spike sired her. I-I didn't have any other choice" I say, looking up at her.

"Of course you did! I could've restored her soul! She gave up her own life for you. And now you just kill her!" Willow yells.

God, that hurts! It hurts that she's right, and that I was right. They really are **her** friends. Not mine. They only put up with me because I'm Saint Buffy's little sister.

"You know where the door is" I say, with such coldness I never had used before.

I see Willow's eyes widen again. She never thought I'd kick her out. To be honest, I never knew I could.

"B-but..What? You just can't me kick out" Willow says.

"Actually, I own this house and I **can** kick you out" I answer as I cross my arms. She looks truly shocked.

"Fine" Willow finally says and marches down. I can't belive I just did this. I kicked Willow out. What's wrong with me? First I kill my sister and now I kick Willow out.


	2. They hate me, and I don't blame them

This chapter is kinda short. But I tried to make it sad. So, if you cry or atleast feel like you're gonna cry it's good. And please review!

* * *

I walk downstairs, feeling the tears roll down my cheeks. Everything is so fucked up! Well, since I'm the Slayer, I'm sure I'll die soon. I'm not that good as Buffy. Even if I killed her. "Dawnie?" I hear Xander's voice. He stayed? Does he really care?  
I walk to the living room where he is.

"I called Faith. She said she'll be here by tomorrow. I'll come and check on you tonight. OK?" he says.

I nod. "You shouldn't have called her. I can do the slaying on my own." Did he really think that it was easy to take out Buffy? She almost killed me. And at the moment, I'm bruised all over.

"Faith can help. I don't want you to get hurt" Xander says.  
I look at him. "I am hurt. And I will get hurt.I'll probably die before my 25th birthday. I'm The Slayer, Xander" I say. I see he's shocked.

"But..how?" he asks.

"When Buffy got sired, I became The Slayer" I answer.

"Oh" he just says. "I better go. Willow and Tara are waiting"

I nod. "Bye." I watch him walk out. I'm alone now. And always will be. Was this how Buffy felt? Always alone. I sigh and walk to the kitchen.

* * *

I hear the doorbell ring. It must be Faith. But I don't want to get up from the bed. I want to stay here for ever. And just forget everything. Maybe if I take too many sleeping pills...No! Buffy was strong to the end. She never gave up. Even when she had to kill Angel, even when Mom died, even when she was brought back. She always did what she thought was right. And never gave up. And that's what I'm going to do. Be strong!

With a sigh I get up and pull on my robe. I walk downstairs and to the front door. I open it and see Faith.

"Hey, D" she says.  
What happened to Brat? "Come in. And don't call me that" I say as I step away from the door. D is too much like B.

"I'm sorry about B" Faith says as she closes the door.

"Yeah, me too" I say. "You don't have to stay here, SunnyDale has a Slayer. Me"

Faith frowns a little.She's surprised. Why did everyone think that Buffy was weak!  
"You really thought that a teenage girl could've killed vamp-Buffy?" I ask.  
Faith just shrugs. What! I take a deep breath. "No. I'm hurt and bruised. Don't you people see she was strong? Stronger than anyone else!" I yell. Why am I taking this out on Faith? At least she doesn't seem to care. She smiles as I've never seen her smile. Kinda sweetly. What's wrong with her?

"Yeah, she was strong," she finally says. "Just thought that Red and Tara helped you"

I shake my head. "They didn't know about Buffy being a vamp. Willow pretty much hates me for killing her best friend. I don't know about Tara or Xander, but they seem to hate me too. And to be honest, I can't blame them. She was finally happy" I try to fight back tears, which doesn't work too good. I already feel the tears roll down my cheeks. "She told me she's going to quit. Call you here. She was pregnant. And so happy! I killed her and her child." I'm sobbing already. I feel Faith's arms around me.


End file.
